#LoveMe – share a quote

header-image-for-loveme

  1. Why are you doing #LoveMe?
  2. A photo of you
  3. A word that describes you
  4. A person who loves you
  5. A note to the past you
  6. A note to the future you
  7. One thing that’s just for you
  8. Share a scar
  9. Share something beautiful
  10. Share a secret
  11. Share a smile
  12. Share a flaw
  13. Share a quote
  14. Share a fear you overcame
  15. Something you have done right
  16. Something you like about yourself 
  17. Something that feeds your soul
  18. Something that feeds your brain
  19. Something you feel strongly about
  20. Something you love to wear
  21. Something you are proud of
  22. What makes you unique?
  23. What is your best feature?
  24. What makes you happy?
  25. What makes you laugh?
  26. What makes you feel beautiful?
  27. What have you accepted about yourself?
  28. What have you learned from doing #LoveMe these past twenty-eight days?

I was trying to think of a quote that would kind of sum up everything for this post. How I feel about myself, the world, and everything in between. But I realised I was aiming too high. So, instead, I decided to choose a quote that kind of followed on from yesterday’s theme of flaws.

This quote comes from S1E10 of Castle, called “A Death in the Family”:

Castle: What are you doing? Are you trying to give her body image issues?
Martha: Newsflash — she already has body image issues. It’s an intrinsic part of being a woman. Every woman in the world has some part of herself that she absolutely hates. Her hands are too small, her feet are too big, her hair is too straight, too curly, her ears stick out, her butt’s too flat, her nose is too big and, you know, nothing you can say will change how we feel. What men don’t understand is, the right clothes, the right shoes, the right makeup it just…it hides the flaws we think we have. They make us look beautiful to ourselves. That’s what makes us look beautiful to others.
Castle: Used to be all she needed to feel beautiful was a pink tutu and a plastic tiara.
Martha: And we spend our whole lives trying to feel that way again.

Now, of course, anyone can have body image issues. Men, people who are genderfluid, gender neutral, trans, and anyone else who I may have forgotten (and for that, I apologise profusely). But I think the take away here is that we do have ways to make us see the beauty in ourselves that others may already see. And that is the important part.

 

 

 

Posted in Musings | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

#LoveMe – share a flaw

header-image-for-loveme

  1. Why are you doing #LoveMe?
  2. A photo of you
  3. A word that describes you
  4. A person who loves you
  5. A note to the past you
  6. A note to the future you
  7. One thing that’s just for you
  8. Share a scar
  9. Share something beautiful
  10. Share a secret
  11. Share a smile
  12. Share a flaw
  13. Share a quote
  14. Share a fear you overcame
  15. Something you have done right
  16. Something you like about yourself 
  17. Something that feeds your soul
  18. Something that feeds your brain
  19. Something you feel strongly about
  20. Something you love to wear
  21. Something you are proud of
  22. What makes you unique?
  23. What is your best feature?
  24. What makes you happy?
  25. What makes you laugh?
  26. What makes you feel beautiful?
  27. What have you accepted about yourself?
  28. What have you learned from doing #LoveMe these past twenty-eight days?

This is going to be a tough one. Not because I think I’m flawless, but because I think I’m heavily flawed. What I want to do, though, is not focus on a physical flaw. There’s a lot of those I could focus on, but I’ve been doing that for my entire young adult life. There’s always something that’s too big, too small, too weirdly shaped. So, instead, I want to focus on something intangible.

I think one of my bigger flaws is a defence mechanism that I’ve developed over the years. Basically, it comes in two parts.
1. I can’t actually name the reasons why I’m feeling a particularly way at the time I’m feeling it. If I’m upset, I may not be able to explain why for hours or days afterwards. It makes the whole “how can I help, what have I done?” conversation incredibly difficult, and;
2. I may not have an emotional reaction to a thing until much later. In that, something might upset me but I won’t know until time has passed. So I think I’m coping really well and then I start falling apart when most other people might be coming to terms with whatever’s been happening.

I don’t know how or why I developed this defence mechanism, but it’s something I would love to break. I just kind of wish I knew how

Posted in Musings | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

#LoveMe – Smile!

header-image-for-loveme

  1. Why are you doing #LoveMe?
  2. A photo of you
  3. A word that describes you
  4. A person who loves you
  5. A note to the past you
  6. A note to the future you
  7. One thing that’s just for you
  8. Share a scar
  9. Share something beautiful
  10. Share a secret
  11. Share a smile
  12. Share a flaw
  13. Share a quote
  14. Share a fear you overcame
  15. Something you have done right
  16. Something you like about yourself 
  17. Something that feeds your soul
  18. Something that feeds your brain
  19. Something you feel strongly about
  20. Something you love to wear
  21. Something you are proud of
  22. What makes you unique?
  23. What is your best feature?
  24. What makes you happy?
  25. What makes you laugh?
  26. What makes you feel beautiful?
  27. What have you accepted about yourself?
  28. What have you learned from doing #LoveMe these past twenty-eight days?

I had a good night last night. A pretty routine Friday evening turned into a wonderful Friday night where I went out and did something I don’t usually do. It felt good. But then after I got home the night took a definite downturn and now, sitting here, I’m just feeling a little bit bleh. So it was pretty good timing for the post for today to be about smiling.

There’s a psychological study that says that smiling, no matter what you’re feeling, can elevate your levels of the happiness hormone and actually make you feel better. And since, right at this moment, I’m feeling sleep deprived and a little down, I decided to spontaneously take a photo right now. The photo below is how I look at this moment. No filter, no make up. That’s just me.

20170211_102223.jpg

Posted in Musings | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

#LoveMe – share a secret

header-image-for-loveme

  1. Why are you doing #LoveMe?
  2. A photo of you
  3. A word that describes you
  4. A person who loves you
  5. A note to the past you
  6. A note to the future you
  7. One thing that’s just for you
  8. Share a scar
  9. Share something beautiful
  10. Share a secret
  11. Share a smile
  12. Share a flaw
  13. Share a quote
  14. Share a fear you overcame
  15. Something you have done right
  16. Something you like about yourself 
  17. Something that feeds your soul
  18. Something that feeds your brain
  19. Something you feel strongly about
  20. Something you love to wear
  21. Something you are proud of
  22. What makes you unique?
  23. What is your best feature?
  24. What makes you happy?
  25. What makes you laugh?
  26. What makes you feel beautiful?
  27. What have you accepted about yourself?
  28. What have you learned from doing #LoveMe these past twenty-eight days?

I don’t really have secrets. Not like the ones you see on TV or in movies or books. I have things I don’t tell people, but I wouldn’t call them secrets because it wouldn’t be the biggest of deals if people find out about these things. It just wouldn’t be particularly pleasant for one reason or another.

But, in the spirit of the challenge, I think I’ll share a fear that I don’t particularly like to talk about.

Day to day, hour to hour, sometimes even minute to minute, I’m terrified that I’ve made the wrong decisions; that I’ve done something that put me down the wrong path or not done something that could’ve set me down the right one. Because of this, I think I have a bit of a fear of commitment. Not in the way that I never want to be in a long term relationship or anything like that, I’ve been in two. But I’m always just that little bit terrified that I’ve made the wrong decision in who I choose or don’t choose.
It can get a little bit paralysing sometimes. If you are scared to make a decision, you usually let the opportunity pass you by and that in and of itself is a decision, and usually the wrong one.

I’m trying to work on this particular fear. There’s no way of knowing if you’ve made the right decision or whether something is a mistake until you make the choice. So it’s usually better to just do the thing.

What’s that thing? You are more likely to regret the things you didn’t do rather than the things you did.

I don’t want to be scared to have regrets anymore.

 

Posted in Musings | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

#LoveMe – something beautiful to come your way

 

header-image-for-loveme

  1. Why are you doing #LoveMe?
  2. A photo of you
  3. A word that describes you
  4. A person who loves you
  5. A note to the past you
  6. A note to the future you
  7. One thing that’s just for you
  8. Share a scar
  9. Share something beautiful
  10. Share a secret
  11. Share a smile
  12. Share a flaw
  13. Share a quote
  14. Share a fear you overcame
  15. Something you have done right
  16. Something you like about yourself 
  17. Something that feeds your soul
  18. Something that feeds your brain
  19. Something you feel strongly about
  20. Something you love to wear
  21. Something you are proud of
  22. What makes you unique?
  23. What is your best feature?
  24. What makes you happy?
  25. What makes you laugh?
  26. What makes you feel beautiful?
  27. What have you accepted about yourself?
  28. What have you learned from doing #LoveMe these past twenty-eight days?

There are so many ways I could talk about beauty in this particular post. Music, people, actions, words, paintings, films. How do I choose just one?

I think I’ll cheat. I think I’m going to choose a music video by one of my favourite artists. Ed Sheeran. I love him. I think his music is heart-warming, or heart-wrenching depending on your mood. I think his lyrics are impeccable. And I think his music videos are some of the very few in mainstream media that tell stories.
“Thinking Out Loud” is one of my favourite songs. It is a love song about the longevity of love, not just that intense first rush. It’s about wanting to spend your life with someone for the little things, not just because you’re caught up in the vividness of youth (I say as a twenty-five year old haha).

I implore you to watch this video. Sheeran has a thing for the show Strictly Ballroom and so guess what he got to do in this clip? He got to dance. The dancing plus the story of the lyrics and the curlicues of the melody makes this music video, in my eyes, exquisite.

Posted in Musings | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

#LoveMe – show your scars

header-image-for-loveme

  1. Why are you doing #LoveMe?
  2. A photo of you
  3. A word that describes you
  4. A person who loves you
  5. A note to the past you
  6. A note to the future you
  7. One thing that’s just for you
  8. Share a scar
  9. Share something beautiful
  10. Share a secret
  11. Share a smile
  12. Share a flaw
  13. Share a quote
  14. Share a fear you overcame
  15. Something you have done right
  16. Something you like about yourself 
  17. Something that feeds your soul
  18. Something that feeds your brain
  19. Something you feel strongly about
  20. Something you love to wear
  21. Something you are proud of
  22. What makes you unique?
  23. What is your best feature?
  24. What makes you happy?
  25. What makes you laugh?
  26. What makes you feel beautiful?
  27. What have you accepted about yourself?
  28. What have you learned from doing #LoveMe these past twenty-eight days?

I could completely cop out with this part of the challenge and show one, or all, of my tattoos. Since, technically, that’s what tattoos are.
Instead, I choose one of my actual scars. I do have a few, particularly from my younger years of being eaten alive by mosquitoes and being too young to understand why mum was telling me not to scratch. The scars I choose to talk about are on my left knee. And of course there’s a story to go with them.

In Year Ten, my friends and I played “social basketball” for sport; so-called because no one took it seriously, least of all the teachers. We’d been doing this for a few terms by this stage, but because we were seniors at this point we got relegated to the seniors’ court. It was basically a mosaic of concrete. I don’t think there was a smooth surface for more than a square half metre on that court. But we didn’t care. It was a fun few hours where we tossed a ball around, listened to music, and just hung out. Besides, nothing ever came of it. Except once.

We were split into our usual teams, and one of my friends and I were mucking around. My team was winning (I’m not 100% sure if this is true, but it makes narrative sense so I’m taking creative licence) and so my mate was trying to mess me up by pretending to trip me. A freak step caused by my innate clumsiness meant the he actually succeeded and I fell.

Ten years later…


I’ve never been very good with pain, but when it’s sudden like that I just start laughing. My mate was so unbelievably apologetic. He got the teachers involved and the rest of my mates ended up dropping whatever it was they were doing and helping me out. Of course, they were all teenaged boys so there was a fair bit of ribbing. But they ribbed me as they got my stuff, put my books in my bag, helped me up, and supported me all the way to sick bay. The mate who had accidentally tripped me did not leave my side. A bunch of them had other commitments so they made sure I got to the sick bay OK, and then scuttled off.
But, don’t worry, they messaged me on MSN later that night to make sure I was alright.

I chose to talk about this scar because, despite being permanently marred and being in excruciating pain for a week because the scabs kept getting torn open, this was one of the best examples of friendship that I know.

Fast forward to 2017 and I don’t actually speak to any of those young men anymore. We drifted apart, which is one of the side effects of growing up, unfortunately. But I will never forget the kindness that they showed me that day.

Posted in Musings | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

#LoveMe – something just for me

header-image-for-loveme

  1. Why are you doing #LoveMe?
  2. A photo of you
  3. A word that describes you
  4. A person who loves you
  5. A note to the past you
  6. A note to the future you
  7. One thing that’s just for you
  8. Share a scar
  9. Share something beautiful
  10. Share a secret
  11. Share a smile
  12. Share a flaw
  13. Share a quote
  14. Share a fear you overcame
  15. Something you have done right
  16. Something you like about yourself 
  17. Something that feeds your soul
  18. Something that feeds your brain
  19. Something you feel strongly about
  20. Something you love to wear
  21. Something you are proud of
  22. What makes you unique?
  23. What is your best feature?
  24. What makes you happy?
  25. What makes you laugh?
  26. What makes you feel beautiful?
  27. What have you accepted about yourself?
  28. What have you learned from doing #LoveMe these past twenty-eight days?

This one was a little tricky. I do a whole range of things but a lot of them aren’t solely for me. Baking? I share the things I bake. The gym? Well, technically this is for me, but it’s also not because of me. I do it to stay fit and healthy, sure, but my mum instilled that need in me. It is good for me, but the way I feel about the gym doesn’t really fit into the spirit of this particular part of the challenge.

What really made sense to me, for this, is dying my hair. I know a lot of people dye their hair. And I know a lot of people do it at home, for a lot cheaper than what I do. But dying my hair at a salon makes me feel nice. The hairdresser I see is lovely. She makes me feel special and, most importantly, she makes me feel good about myself. I love the small talk and the asking my opinion about my hair like I know a damned thing about hairdressing. But, to be honest, I love the head massage most. I get a lot of headaches, so it always feels best to me.

Dying my hair once every three months or so is my luxury. It’s a splurge that feels good and it’s a feeling that lasts for weeks and weeks. And, most importantly, it’s just for me. No one else gets to dictate what colour I dye my hair. This is just for me.

(I suppose my tattoos could fall into this category too. But as gorgeous as they are, they do hurt. So I went with the less painful of the two options.)

 

Posted in Musings | Tagged , , , , , , | 6 Comments